Monthly Archives: March 2018

A Letter to My Son on Victory Day

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Dear Samuel,

I pray that this is the first of many letters that I get to write to you. I hope there are Birthday letters, a baptism letter, college letters, and special letters on special days that I don’t even know about yet.

The truth is I have been writing letters to another baby these past two years. . . A baby named Ellis Grace who you will join one day in heaven. She is your sister and will always be regarded as Gods Greatest Kindness to our family. You will grow to love her memory and her place in our family as much as your brothers who got to hold her here on earth.

My letters to her I liken to sending a message in a bottle – – the exercise is full of love and mystery but the delivery is unknown and possibly never happens. It is a heart exercise to an unknown address with no guaranteed delivery.

And that , my boy, is where a significant difference lies. For you are all about deliverance. Ellis was my promise but you are the deliverance of those promises we continue to stand on today. And you will always be regarded as Gods Greatest Remembrance of Our Family. He remembered our hurt. He kept holding our hearts. He never forgot we were in the palm of His Hand. . . And it is with that Kindness, Faithfulness, and Assurance that He will now place you in the palm of our hands.

Your name, Samuel , means God has heard. God has heard our cries, has seen our need, and has gone before us in His perfect ways carrying out a His perfect plans. . . It is a perfect plan from a perfect Father that has brought you to our family.

And your middle name, Ransom, means rescue or deliverance. . . A price paid for freedom. . . God has heard our cry for deliverance and He has answered with your name.

Samuel Ransom Holliday, you make us sure of what we cannot see,

Grateful for what we did not ask for . . .

And blessed beyond our hearts deepest dreams. God started sending me feathers as soon as your ordained days began. The feathers are love notes indicating you are covered by His mighty wings- that we are all cradled by His mighty hands. . . Both here on earth and the parts of us that live forever in heaven. You are a new Mercy and new beginning that I am very grateful for. You will not have the youngest mom but rather, the most grateful.

We cannot wait to let the Great Author God start our new chapter with you, little one. For you we have prayed, and God has granted us the desires of our heart.

Come and take your place among the royal princes disguised as Dirty Farmers. Among the great man disguised as a fun daddy who will hold his breath until you have taken your very first one. . .

And when you hear me singing you can know that not only are you home where you belong. . . But so are we.

We Love You,

Mommy, Daddy, Jackson, Gage, Grayson

And from her heavenly perch- – Ellis Grace

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Victory in Motion: the strength of submission in the eyes of our men

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Last year I posted before and after pictures of myself. I even made them into a collage to highlight the greatness of God’s power in my life. Now these weren’t those full-body-practically-in-my-underwear-beach body-style pictures inviting you to scrutinize a body that God made perfectly. But you can still see in the first picture I am 40 pounds heavier with the weight of the world on my shoulders , my eyes are swollen from releasing love that ran down my face continually. I’m not just heavy but heavy burdened. I’m weak and disoriented and foggy. I’m everything a woman doesn’t want to see and likely everything a man doesn’t want to see in a woman.

The second picture is so much kinder. I’m back at the size I was when he met and married me. Just enough make up on to look naturally beautiful and glowing. And an inviting smile on my face and that same hot pink workout tank top just looks more attractive minus the 40 pounds.

So I asked him later in the day “hey honey what did you think of my before and after pictures ? how did I look ?” Now even though we live in a feminist world, it remains a world that objectifies women. I get sucked into this culture like everybody else. So I guess I expected my husband to use a word like “hot ” or “skinny” or maybe even a “smoking”. Which I might add would be fine by me. I want him to want me. I strongly desired to be the object of his desire. But if I was expecting that, I was about to be disappointed.

Because He said I think you look victorious. That’s what my hubby sees when he looks at me: strength, perseverance, endurance, discipline, bold beauty characterized by victory in Christ. He sees me as a conqueror.

Big deal. So what? Why do you think this is blog worthy? Well the reason is is a big deal to me is because we live in a traditional Christian covenant marriage. I consistently respect him even when I disagree with him. And it doesn’t happen very often, but if we find ourselves at odds – – he has the final say. And when that happens , I continue to respect him. I yield to him. I lift him up. I intentionally keep him in a position of power and leadership in my life. I submit to his authority in all things. So from a worldly perspective, it strikes me kind of funny that when he looks at me he only sees strength and power, Victor and conquer. I’m not a doormat that he doesn’t take time to notice. And I’m not just a beautiful thing that is constantly bowing down to him either. He has seen me not get my way and still lovingly go along with his way. He knows it isn’t easy to trust so deeply in someone else. So He has a deep respect for the fact that I do this and that I do it on a daily basis.

We are one team, he and I. When I stand victorious, he shares in the bounty of a real victory. My successes they bless him, my victories they proclaim his greatness.

This wouldn’t of been the case a few years ago. It was more important for me to be right and victorious. It was more important for me to knock him down a few pegs then to stand on the mountaintop right beside him.

I wonder what His answer would have been if He looked at the same picture during that season. I fear he might have said, “You look really good” or “you look great.” He may have even paused a long time wondering what he should say. What the ” right” answer was. . . He would have tried to answer my way and it would have greatly lessened my value in the process.

Because who He uniquely is adds value to me. It Makes my reflection shine brighter. And it deepens his view of me which deepens my view of myself. I would totally missed that if I stayed in the land of standing on my own. I would make myself an object of defiance. Suck myself into a movement of madness. Moving in the exact opposite direction of where my real security lies. I love it that I serve a God who makes sure that I stand up for myself when I bow down to him. That’s a victorious motion.