A year ago, I wrote this reflective peace called “What If? ” I was riveted by how intimately I was learning about kingdom economy and how very backwards and upside down my God is from the world I live in. 

What If? By Carrie Holliday June 12, 2016

What if nothing is as it seems? 

Simply because it isn’t “on earth as it is in heaven”? 

What if our biggest losses are our biggest gains? 

What if the best comes to us when the worst has happened? 

What if,during our darkest times, we are surrounded by more radiant light than ever?

What if it is our worst nightmares that make our deepest dreams a reality? 

What if those times that are the most difficult to walk through exist because we are walking in the thickness of a goodness we can’t understand? 

What if our severe weakness leads to a never ending strength? 

What if we were created with an inner need to be destroyed? 

What if we are foolishly trying to return a gift of wise riches? 

What if our eternity is shaped by the moments of our now?

What if every tear we cried was a shadow of the joy to come? 

What if our arch enemy looked like the things we love the most? 

What if there’s one book with all the answers but we insist on searching a thousand sites of only questions? 

What if the things we do in secret have the greatest audience we can imagine? 

What if the calls we do not answer become the life we should have lived? 

And what if the one the world insists was an ordinary humble teacher of a man will one day be its greatest ruler? 

What if we would rather believe a serial killer than trust a serious savior? 

What ifs can make you crazy . Believe me, I’ve battled a lot of them since March 28th. But if our what ifs center around us we are bound to remain locked in this struggle against our own ignorance and arrogance.  

But when our thought pattern becomes “what if God” . . . 

Then we solve our mysteries as we seek Him fully. . . 

And what was a victim is now a victor

What seemed so dark now shines brightly

What was muddied in fear is washed pure in love

And the stamp of Shame is now an echo of glory. . . 

Only God can show us what really is. . . As we submit to Him the what ifs and what could have beens and only then can we see what still can be. . . 

“The last will be first, and the first will be last.” Matthew 20:16
“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul” Mark 8:36
Blessed are the poor, hungry, broken, and hated (Luke 6:20-22)
#EG41 # useEllis2tellus
And now it’s June 12, 2017 and He’s shown me even more. 

The irony of this post is that He has gently taught me in the past year the questions I may not ask. 

You mustn’t ask what if . . . He gently purrs to me. 

You mustn’t ask Why. . . He softly whispers. 

My child you cannot understand it in your current state. Later I’ll bring you there. For now remember my ways are higher. . . My thoughts are that high too. . . Out of the reach of your why’s and what ifs. . . 

He’s gentle with me and always kind. But He’s taught me something with a firmness that I’m unlikely to forget. 

Asking what if. . . If only I had. . . Done this or known that. . . 

It is it’s own form of disagreeing with God. It begs me to believe that I could have done a better job than God Himself. That I would have operated differently and somehow better than the One who knows all. And since I am determined to stay reconciled and in agreement with Him, I must not go there in my mind and heart. 

I do not believe in the what if’s but I do believe when I’m ready He’ll show me the Why’s. . . And that very well may not be until eternity. 

And I trust him with that one too.