This was my post from a year ago as I snuck over to my mother in laws to soak up a little bit of my joy before he took off for a couple of days to camp. 

I’ve always been that mom that races over for a good bye snuggle when they’ve stayed somewhere else and you won’t see them for a couple of days because they are camp bound. But it’s sweeter, I inhale more deeply, mark it in my heart, take no shame in it or its consequences. . . I will be a little late today and it will be A LOT worth it. . . Gager baby I’ve prayed for this first camp experience. . . For your love affair with Jesus to ignite In a way that can’t be extinguished. . . Even for your Dino shaped chicken nuggets and French toast sticks and your buddy grandpa Larry and . . . My momma love , it’s deep and wide. . .#EG 41

So I want you to know that I do it too. That’s right I’m moved to hug my babies a little tighter, a little longer. . . Smell them more deeply. Love them more focused. 

But I also want you to know that it was very painful to see people post these comments in direct relation to my baby dying on social media.   Many people made statements of prayer and support or sorrow and condolences followed by the statement that everyone needed to hug their baby tighter or that they were going to hug their baby tighter that night. 

I share those feelings of gratitude and relief and deep love in times of great shock for other people. I have stopped right where I was and thanked God for my own circumstances before I even ask Him to help them in theirs. This is what I call fleshy and being human. My humanity just is what it is and often I’m glad it is not the dark fate that has found others. 

But I personally will keep my baby clutching and new views of gratitude between myself and my God for the unforseeable future. People don’t need to be reminded of these things. It’s instinct to hold close to your chest what has been ripped away from another. And somewhere the actual mother of the actual dead baby reads that sentiment – – that directive to go hug your baby and hold them close tonight. 

Where are we sending her with those statements?  I know of course. But trust me when I tell you that you do not want to know.   We reach out to eachother on social media and I thank God for that everyday but asking yourself who is in the audience is a very kind question that can lead to more kindness if you let it. And sometimes Kindness is the only thing some people will be able to hug closely to their chest that night. Kindness is everything when you feel you’ve been left with nothing.