I love girl time. Time with my girlfriends, besties, and tribal goddesses. It’s good for my soul and wind in my sails. Mostly. Maybe it depends just a bit. On what our purpose is and why we are meeting.
For the second time in my life today, I accompanied a woman I love on a difficult part of her path. Both woman were faithfully married and truly devoted to their husbands. They both cared for themselves and their bodies. These are women who love the Lord and obey Him to the best of their ability.
We didn’t go shopping or out for pedicures. We didn’t swing by starbucks for the newest fancy coffee. And we didn’t indulge in a long, meandering walk after bible study.
We went to a clinic to see a nurse practioner for them to them to be examined and tested for sexually transmitted diseases. They were both broken with the traumatic shattering of a woman’s inner soul that comes with infidelity. They were both in shock and disbelief.
This can’t be real.
This can’t be happening.
What am I going to say?
What are they going to think about me?
They’re going to think I’m stupid.
I feel all of those things.
I will be bringing all of those things into the exam room with me.
Although neither of them had ever looked with want toward another man, they could barely lift their heads to look the nurse in the eyes when she said, “what brings you in today?”
What brings you in today?
Echoes in their head.
What did bring me in today?
My husband’s choices bring me in today.
It would be nice to point to him but he is not in this room. Neither of them had a husband at their side.
The real perpetrator who created the necessity for that appointment.
That woman – – that other vagina – – the one I didn’t know about it – – that silent enemy of my soul and my family brought me in.
That video I found. . .
the jump drive he hid. . .
the text message I saw with those things I ‘ll never stop playing over and over in my head. . .
that’s what brought me in…
Neither of them could speak for choking back tears and I realized that’s why I was there. To utter with strength what had them smothered in shame. To help them claim their dignity by telling their story in truth and compassion. There had been infidelity in the marriage. What a pleasant little word to describe the tsunami of pain and torrents of shame and heartache that really represents. There had been an infidelity in the marriage and he didn’t use “protection.” No he did not understand his role of protecting at all.
His wife did not feel protected now. There was no one to protect her from the feeling of disrobing for probing and swabbing. . . for the anticipation of the phone call of the results of these tests. . . for the way it would feel to say your name and date of birth again for your HIV and Syphillus test tubes. . .
To say that my heart was with these women during this walk of shame and heartache is an understatement. Every cell in my body was willing their grace, strength, and dignity to somehow stay alive in the face of these strangers. Strangers that now know what you have not yet had the courage to tell most of your friends. Or any of your family. What you hope you will never have to tell your children.
These are women that I love and deeply admire. Women I aspire to be like. Women who trust me with their deepest, most hidden reservoirs of loss and regret. But it seems unreal to me that I have ever done this and certainly unbelievable that I have done this more than once. Is this one of Gods special calls on my life, a form of ministry he has carved out for me? No, I don’t think so. I think a lot of things about this.
I think the world is this bad.
Marriages are this fragile and vulnerable.
Husbands are this lost and deceived.
Boundaries are this non-existent.
Covenants are this meaningless.
Character is this lacking.
And the sense of anonymity we have is this dangerous and false.
Women are this threatening to other women.
Children are this invisible in the face of selfishness.
Family is this flimsy when compared to a flimsy woman in the right form of a deceptive compromise.
And most importantly men are this far removed from their true calling and identity of protector, provider, Lover, and Leader.
They are to sacrifice themselves for their families.
Not lead their family to to slaughter by their choices.
We must breed and foster a culture of Respect and Godliness. A culture so rich that no man would think of being anything but respectful and Godly, heroic and strong, solid and faithful. We must seek God and follow His word and His ways so that we have the kind of safe borders that lead to continuous peace and health.
I forgive these men for digging this trench that I took on so much fire with their wives in. I pray for healing for them both. But I want them to understand that hearts were hurt here. Sweet dreams died here. Purity was killed here. Here in this trench you dug and then threw us in.
I love these women. I’m honored to fight beside them. Any trench that they are in, I will run as fast as I can and dive in, picking up my arms – – my sword, my shield. I will suffer through all the nights of fire. I will keep fighting when they cannot. They will never be alone in that trench. And that trench is a grave where many things died. But the God they love and serve does not ever allow that a grave would be the end of the story. So new life is to come. Trees are to grow. Beautiful pastures will take over that trench. And you’ll rest your head peacefully on what used to be your war zone. But not today. Today was hard. And for today and many days to come, we’ll need to keep our helmets on and our armor close.
But oh enemy – – you have been told – she’ll rise from these ashes with victory in her hand and peace in her heart. And you are the one who will be going down in flames. For liar, oh liar – – IT. IS. WRITTEN.
In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord. “If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,” says your God. Isaiah 66:9
And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire. . . Revelations 20:10