I spent 41 days unreconciled with my God. This was a problem. A year ago today He told me it was coming. And it did come very soon. I thank Him for that.
The Cravings of a Mothers Heart
I walked the same stretch of road tonight pacing until I had my own rut worn in the dirt and I hugged a box of Kleenex and I cried out Ellis. . . Ellis. . . Ellis. . . over and over again and I begged God for things He has already made clear are not His will. . . moments I cannot have until we will no longer be aware of what a moment is. . . and I found myself at a split tree looking into a mirror from heaven that was the sun’s reflection on a farm pond. Ellis means The Lord is My God so when I cry out her name I am declaring His sovereignty in my life and in this universe.
And I said “but I Loved her so. . .”
And I felt my Father say “yes, I know”
And I said “but she was my only daughter. . . ”
And He said, “Yes. And He Was My Only Son. . .”
And I exhaled, blew my nose, and blew Him a kiss .
And I felt a breeze of reconciliation blow my hair from my face. . .
We are to be reconciled on this, my God and I. And He knows that I am leaning in and walking toward the day when I sing “It is Well” without ceasing. And I know that He will never leave me or forsake me and that I can trust His intentions. Because He delights in me . . . because He is a good, good Father.