On the morning of March 28th, I put my two older boys on the bus. Before busying myself with some tasks of the day, I decided I should check on my newborn daughter. It had been 3 hours since she had last nursed and that was a LONG stretch for her. She was pale and had no breath in her. I did everything humanly possible to restore her life while activating EMS and begging God for her life. EMS and hospital workers continued to try to restore her for over an hour. It was not Gods will and we remain focused on accepting His will and doing His work. A member of my tribe lovingly reminded me that God says we are to thank Him and bring glory to Him in all circumstances. . . I AM SO THANKFUL THAT:
1) this happened the day after Easter so my heart was set to know that the grave holds no power . . . just as life is temporary, so is death to those who believe.
2)the boys were safe on the bus and were spared the perception of any danger or memories of trauma in their home.
3) I was able to reach everyone I needed that day and that God provided a way for everyone to join us on Holy Ground.
4)that there was a friendly face of a beloved friend at the hospital .
5) I am thankful that God gave my mother immediate clarity of TRUTH and that she was able to “mother” me from a place of strength in the ER
6)that my sister Ange was able to minister to us continuously in the first hours, first days, first week. . .
7)that my boys were picked up by a loving uncle and their ears and hearts were protected so they could hear an honest and loving truth from the people God used to create and nurture them
8)that first responders were so very kind and God even provided family during that time
9) that loving family members kept little Grayson’s day light and joyful and familiar to him.
10)that I was alone (from an earthly perspective) and the rest of my family was spared trauma in our home. And as well that we returned here immediately and that I was given power to quickly reclaim my home in every way.
It’s not easy to praise or give thanks through intense pain. In fact, at times it can seem cruel or ridiculous. But God doesn’t ask us go to do it because it adds to our pain.
No. Certainly not.
He knows a grateful heart is an open heart that sees more clearly.
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” 1 Corinthians 13:12