Spilling My Secrets


Last summer I had the pleasure of attending one of Chef Alli’s Pot Roast Presentations. So many truths penetrated my heart that evening. God opened up a well in my heart and intentional respect for my husband began to freely flow into my marriage. The landscape of our love changed when I learned to add elements of respect to the scenery.

Chef Alli wisely instructed us to release the hidden desires of our hearts to our husbands. This was a stronghold for me. You see, I would like for my husband to have the ability to read my mind. Satan has whispered into my romantic heart and I have knit his thoughts together with the deepest longings of my soul.

He says to me. . . you know if He really knew you and really loved you, he would know what you want for Valentines Day. . .

He gives me crafty ideas. . . Say “nothing” when he asks you what you want . . .because if he really loves you he will surely surprise you with something even if you said “oh nothing please”

Test him. . . trap him. . . measure his love for you by secret expectations he could never imagine. . . yes I would think. . . that makes sense. . . that will get me where I want to be. . . 

But somehow I was the one who was trapped and tricked. . . and I would drown in a sea of disappointment. . . I would look through a mirror smeared with the enemy’s vaseline. . . and be devastated that Gods clarity didn’t shine back at me.

So this year I could hear Alli’s voice ringing in my ear from six months ago:


This Valentine’s Day my husband and I made plans to have a wonderful date night. We decided on a mutual gift we will both enjoy. To surprise him, I also crafted a gift of respect just for him. But five days before Valentine’s Day he asked if a mutual gift and date night was really enough . . . He loves me and he doesn’t want to disappoint me. He wants me to feel loved. But he doesn’t always have instincts to guide him in expressing the love I desperately need as a woman. Just like I sometimes struggle to find respectful ways to connect to his deepest needs as a man.

So I did something I have never really done in all our married life – – I told him the truth. I told him that I was thrilled for our date night and mutual gift. And then I took a deep breath and added this:

” I would also like a card or a love letter from you that’s just from your heart. That little gesture would really make me feel loved and special. . . and it would be a surprise to read your words. I would like a little something on Valentine’s day since we are doing our date the next day.”

Satan has told me this would ruin the gift. . . that having to tell my husband what I need would mean he doesn’t know me. . . doesn’t love me. . . and that any gift that came from that request would be empty and meaningless. . . 

So I must declare and expose those lies for the mess of garbage-filled deception that they are. I want to tell you the truth. The surprise I always thought I secretly wanted was never really a surprise if I was expecting it. . . demanding it. . . encouraging it to do battle with the man that means the most to me. . . 

I know what I am getting for Valentine’s Day. I know that my husband is going to get me a card or hand write a letter for me. He is doing that because he wants me to be happy and feel loved and he know its what I want. Oh what a tragedy.

The truth is that’s pretty romantic. The truth is that doesn’t set either one of us up for failure. Am I bummed or deflated because there’s no pressure on my hubby to read my hot mess of a mind? Not in the least. My heart is filled with anticipation. Since I started intentionally respecting this man of mine, the love that flows out of him overwhelms me. It touches me and surprises me . . . it’s real and authentic. . . and unique to who I am and who we are becoming together.

And I am not saying goodbye to surprise and romance. But I am going to let those sweet treats find me when I least expect them – – when they drift out of my farm boy’s heart and float over to mine. . . and melt it in a way that only he can. 
And that’s the truth. 


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